In this episode of the VulnerABILITY Podcast, host Marisa Donnelly and guest Abe Lopez rewind back to Episode three and talk about what finding your person means.
What defines a ‘person’ — loyalty, honesty, dependability, a combination of all three? Should your person be your romantic partner, a family member, close friend? Can this person be someone who isn’t your romantic partner?
These are the questions Abe and I focus on in this episode. We start by sharing what we feel defines a ‘person’ and who these people are in our lives. Abe questions whether brutal honesty is positive or negative. Is it better to approach people in your life with straightforwardness when they need it (even if it might hurt)? Or is it better to take into consideration who they are and what their feelings might be?
We discuss romantic relationships and whether the measure of a strong/healthy connection the ability to be one another’s best friends, or if there should be a dividing line between what you share with a significant other vs. friend. We also question whether there’s such a thing as a ‘wrong person’.
Highlights From the Episode:
[1:20] “A ‘person’ is somebody that you feel that you can personally count on, somebody that you feel, despite the situation, you can talk to. And they will most certainly judge you… It’s not somebody that I would be like, “Oh, I want to go to you because I know you won’t judge me.” No. I go to you because I know that you’re going to speak out and towards what you feel is better for me. Even if that’s not what I like to hear.”
[17:05] “They might not like what I have to say at the moment, but I have to say it. Somebody does. Because they’re not going to say it to themselves.”
[17:30] “If there’s someone in your life that’s said something to you, and maybe it wasn’t what you wanted to hear, or maybe challenged you in a way that maybe you never thought of… I want to acknowledge that. That’s vulnerable. That’s being brave. That’s putting yourself out there as the friend to support this other person.”
[20:35] “There’s the importance of the approach, but also not shying away from that vulnerability. In a relationship — of any kind —romantic, platonic, whatever… If you’re not going to say the truth, if you’re going to walk around it, if you’re going to take laps [and] go in circles, it’s not going to get any better.”
[30:40] “Sometimes being patient is the hardest part of being human. It’s not the potential heartbreak, because people experience that many times. It’s the inevitable waiting period… You feel like life goes on without you.”
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