What is happiness? How can we achieve it? Is it something we can ever fully ‘have’? In this episode of the VulnerABILITY Podcast, host Marisa Donnelly welcomes guest T.M. Hoy, author of “The Secret To Lasting Happiness,” to talk about how people can look inside themselves and grow from within.
Our minds work in mysterious and powerful ways, and the first steps to happiness, Donnelly and Hoy share, are healing internally and developing powerful and intimate relationships — starting with the one we have with ourselves.
From discussing the negative ways of the world to deciphering why people are scared to get vulnerable, Donnelly and Hoy bring up happiness in all aspects and challenge contemporary thinking about what ‘being happy’ truly means.
Highlights from the Episode:
[2:20] “The secret to lasting happiness is really quite simple; it’s healthy relationships, nurturing relationships. Starting with the one with yourself.”
[2:40] “Most people spend their entire lives never having that internal dialogue and chasing the wrong things. And they never find happiness. It’s a terrible shame…That’s why I’m driven to get this message out. To try and help people understand that happiness is right within their reach if they’d just have a little bit of patience and a little willingness to make an effort.”
[3:15] “Sometimes finding happiness isn’t necessarily stumbling upon it or fighting for it to happen. Sometimes it’s simply having patience in the process, even when it’s difficult and messy and challenging.”
[3:30] “[Happiness] starts with healing internally and [building] intimacy…You can’t be intimate unless you’re vulnerable.”
[3:50] “You start that internal dialogue with the things that cause you pain and discomfort. You have to be willing to be patient with yourself because there’s parts of yourself that don’t want to go there. And making that discovery, learning who you really are as a person means understanding the things that bother you the most. [It’s learning] the things that disturb you… addressing them and being patient and kind to yourself. Saying ‘I need to get to the bottom of these things’ and let the healing begin.”
[7:10] “[Many people] are just following a program that someone else put inside them. And that doesn’t lead to happiness. It doesn’t matter how many material things you have, it doesn’t matter how much status, or power, or wealth or fame. None of that matters when it comes to happiness. What really matters is that you discover who your true self is, and you pursue your life goals, and you fill your life with loving relationships. And that starts with loving yourself.”
[8: 20] “You’re not going to know every single thing about yourself, have yourself totally figured out, and always have a positive outlook towards yourself. But you do have to have some semblance of understanding of just the basic things that you believe in, the basic core values, and your own sense of self-worth. Otherwise, you’re going to be trying to find that identity in everything and everyone else.”
[11:35] “When you develop a healthy relationship with your inner self, when it begins to trust you—then tremendous transformation is possible.”
[13:35] “Any time you look around the world and see all the destructive practices, all the problems, all the violence, and all the conflict—all of it comes from that inability to love and the inability to have a healthy, nurturing relationship with yourself and those around you. Because if you have that, then all the things the world values and promotes become rather unimportant.”
[15:30] “It doesn’t matter if you’re fantastically wealthy—if you don’t have a good relationship with yourself and those around you, you’re going to be miserable.”
[18:35] “Do I want to let this idea structure dominate me to the point that it’s become my sole goal and where I’m going to devote all my energy and resources to obtaining it?”
[19:05] “What is driving my life? What are the belief systems and idea structures that drive me? And are they things that I really want, and believe in, and think are accurate and true?”
[19:45] “For the vast majority of people to find happiness all that it requires is a little bit of kindness and a little bit of a willingness to say, ‘You know what, let’s slow down on the messages from the outside world and let’s just have a talk with ourselves, a deep heart-to-heart.’”
[20:10] “Because if you’re kind and giving, first to yourself and then to those around you, it’s all over. You’re done. You’re going to find happiness. It’s that simple.”
Recommended Reading/Resources Mentioned:
- T.M. Hoy’s Website & Book: Lasting Happiness: Secrets of the Heart, Mind & Spirit Revealed (available in paperback and audio versions).
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